queenoflogs | [ Closed ] Don't look back in anger, I heard you say

Entry tags:

[ Closed ] Don't look back in anger, I heard you say

Characters: Subaru

tookupthesword
Date: 8/23
Summary: Clearing the air over ~~lunch~~ ~~dinner~~ THERE IS FOOD, OKAY?
Warnings: None I can think of. Do either canons even need spoiler warnings anymore?
Notes: Don't ask me how this fits in chronologically anywhere.

For someone who had invited another over to clear up the constant awkward misunderstandings between them, Subaru was not at all nervous about Sayaka's visit. In the time leading up to her arrival she busied herself first with a quick shower, then a bit of sweeping, and finally preparing the dinner she had planned since yesterday. The scent of steaming stir-fry vegetables and baked chicken fill the kitchen and adjacent room. Though Subaru has only set out two places on the low table, it looks as if her preparations could easily feed five or more. Chopsticks and other utensils are both available, tea, soda, and water are all ready in their pitchers or bottles, and she's just waiting near an open wall for the few minutes before the hour was up.

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[ Her heart really goes out to the girl. No one should have to go through something like that at all. ] If you had the same chance... would you do it again? Make the same wish, I mean.

I can't even judge if it's selfish because everyone does selfish things. [ A weak laugh. ] My best friend is always scolding me for that.

You should ask that again in a bit. [Not that there will be a need to...]

Anyway... after the wish and contract, becoming a so called magical girl, something was needed to turn into one. [She holds out her hand, and the ring on her finger turns into a blue gem.] A pretty rock, huh.

Please don't touch.

[ The comment is... an odd one, but she listens to the rest of what Sayaka has to say. She leans closer to see the gem more clearly and then nods. ] I see it. Your "Soul Gem", right? It's how you transform? So it's a little closer to a Device, but...

Homura was right. Things aren't the same for us at all, really.

[And a deep breath.]

Now, there was something I wasn't told about, nobody else either.

The rock you're looking at is Sayaka Miki. [It's been so long since it all happened... but it's still horrible.]

[ ...now here's where something clicks into place. "Soul" gems. The defensiveness over that artifact. That phrasing.

Subaru said nothing. She didn't even breathe. All he could do was sit there slack-jawed for a very long moment. ]

.... there's no way to undo it? [ It's a stupid question. If there was a way, from the sound of things, Sayaka would probably turn back the hands in an instant when her plans failed. ...Right? ]

If the fact this happened was kept secret, then certainly a way to undo it, if there even is one, would be as well.

You understand why I said to just wipe out that horrible little freak if you see it, right?

[ Numbly, since this was still a big shock to her. ] Of course. That makes sense...

[ Though it begs another question. ] How... does it work? I mean. You're there, holding that.

Well... after I unknowingly had my soul ripped out, this body has been remotely controlled. If the two separate by... a distance I don't quite remember, the body falls over, like a corpse.

Guess how I found out.

[ There is a visible shudder as Sayaka utters the word "corpse". ] I've felt something like that, before... like a forced shut-down.

I don't really think 'feel' is the right word here.

[ A nod. ] No I know. It's not going to be anywhere close to what you all experience. It's... nothing I've ever dealt with before. But it sounds like something the Bureau would definitely work to prevent.

[She refrains from asking 'so why haven't they'.]

After that... I just lost it. I was pretty much a zombie. Who would even want me, like that? Life just seemed to have lost meaning, but I couldn't just give up without a fight. That's why I just... ah, right, I forgot to mention something.

It doesn't happen here, but back then, soul gems used to darken up as magic was used. Only by using something called a Grief Seed, left behind by those monsters we were made to fight could it be cleaned up. You wouldn't guess it from who's here, but I wouldn't be surprised if most other girls who made a contract became vicious vultures over the things, going as far to kill each other for them, just so they won't get in the way.

[There is a intensely bitter and venom filled voice coming along with that explanation.]

[ She can hear that. It's enough to put the idea of finishing their meal out of her mind, for the moment. Subaru doesn't even know when she had put her fork down and pushed the plate away. ] Let me... make sure I have this right.

You make a wish with that creature, and become a magical girl. Then all you can do is fight monsters, using magic, so that you can... continue to use magic to fight monsters? There's no end to it? [ This sounds terrible. ]

[Careful there Subaru, Sayaka may have to force feed you if you stop.]

Well, it's not all you can do. I still went to school and stuff. But... I don't know how long this has been going on for, or how far this has spread. I guess it is like a cycle...

Well, I didn't exactly follow that cycle by letting my soul gem cloud up completely... [And Sayaka braces herself. This is the hardest part for her.]

[ She's already had half of her sizable plate, so that won't be necessary. ]

You mean you still had a "normal" life, and just did the hunting... on the side? [ Subaru has the feeling that she won't like what comes with that. Then again, she hasn't liked much of any part of the life that Sayaka's been living. It isn't something anyone should have to suffer with. ]

Yeah. Everyone would wonder where I went if I just vanished, and it's not like I could do it all the time.

Well, that is until after I learned what making a contract really does. I tried to keep my normal life, but... some things happened and I just got even worse. Snapping at my friends, ignoring everything else besides fighting... and in the end... I died.

[And she knows damn well she skipped and lied about the worst parts about what happened with her.]

Sayaka.... [ There is nothing she can really say to that. It looks like she's wrestling with several attempts at words, though, if she watches the way her lip quivers or that Subaru's eyes can't decide on where they want to focus on the girl.

—it's either that or she's about to cry. ]

And that's why I kept on saying that no one could help me if I ever went back.

[ Halfway through that, Subaru rises from her spot and rounds the table to drop back down right next to Sayaka. Silently, she takes one of the girl's hands — the one without the ring — in both of hers and just sort of hunches over.

In part, it's to check for a pulse and for warmth (though her own hands will be a touch warmer no matter what), and this is only if Sayaka lets her. The other part is for reassurance. ]

[Because of the connection between soul and body, their is a pulse and warmth. Sayaka though is just looking at what is happening oddly. With what she all just said... a simple holding of one hand was not what she was expecting.]

[ That was just a prelude to what was next. Relieved to feel that Sayaka's body at least appears to be alive, Subaru's emotions get the better of her and she brings those hands up and around the other girl for a hug. Hopefully that won't end poorly like it did when she surprise Akiha with one. She's had a trying couple of weeks... ]

[Sayaka just sighs and accepts the hug.]

Sorry. [ She mumbles. ] I know some people don't like this but I just couldn't help it. I thought... your body...

Would be like touching ice? [Someone has a dark sense of humor these days.]

...yeah. Something like that. [ . . . ] I had some people think the same about me, once, so that's part of why I was afraid.

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