queenoflogs | Scientists & Soldiers

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Scientists & Soldiers

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urbanwonderland, closed
Date: backdated to the evening of May 29th
Summary: Following this thread, Sephiroth & Reeve have a talk.
Warnings: Sephiroth tends to talk frankly about sex. Other than that, just mature adults having a mature conversation. Maturely.

Sephiroth thinks of the small house as Reeve's residence. She has never truly had a home, so it is difficult for her to think of any place as being hers. It does not matter a great deal to her where she is quartered, as long as her basic needs are met. The only reason she did not decide to reside in her headquarters was the fact that it had seemed so oddly empty without any of the people who were meant to be there.

It is Reeve's residence, then, that is dark and quiet, at least until the door opens and the light is turned on. Then Faremis stirs, the mechanical creature hurrying toward the door and Sephiroth like a pet dog. She does not address the robot, but she leans down to touch it, her fingertips skimming its metal surface.

She turns to Reeve, her tone as casual as if nothing unusual had happened that night. "Would you like some tea?" She knows how fond Reeve is of tea.

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I'd really like to say that would be fine, and satisfying. But I've a feeling you'd call me on it and we both know me well enough to know that it isn't true anyway.
[Reeve shakes her head, partly in refusal, partly to clear if of the last of the champagne and the more self-indulgent emotions she's feeling at the moment.]

I can't argue with your ideas about this place-- I don't have the means to test their validity. I hope-- [she was just about to say something about things not being awkward, but it's clear that they won't be awkward for Sephiroth. She makes a wry sort of sigh, half laughing at herself.] oh, never mind that.

I-- it's probably none of my business, and I probably shouldn't ask, but is there someone you do feel a connection with? I assume it isn't someone here.

I will consider the things you've said. [She means this. She wouldn't be a good leader if she wasn't open to opposing arguments and ideas. It is true that Reeve is responsible for her own decisions and feelings. She knows she tends to depersonalize her at times because of her role as a Shinra executive, but she is trained to act toward the executives in a certain way. And to never harm them. And not acting a certain way because of the Queen might not be the best way to express her free will. She will consider it.]

Yes. I know you. Another woman would be more likely to fulfill the emotional component of your desire.

You may ask me whatever you wish, Reeve. [Yet she hesitates again, briefly. She looks away, not nervously, but thoughtfully. From where she stands, she can see the relatively small sword that had belonged to the child version of herself that was so briefly here.] I was never like other people. I was always apart. Until I joined SOLDIER. I can connect to my comrades in ways I cannot connect to others. Yet even after I had joined SOLDIER, though I felt I was in my proper place, I did not form what I would call a true emotional bond until I met Angeal and Genesis.

[Reeve would rather not consider the "emotional component" of her desire just now. She can fret over that on her own time. Right now, it's simpler for her to consider the matter as a whole closed. Sephiroth says she'll consider what she's has to say, but Reeve fancies she knows a refusal when she hears one by now. Good of Sephiroth to be kind about it, though.

She nods, taking in what Sephiroth has to say about her "comrades" and feeling that though she normally sidesteps the subject, this time, of all times, it's fine to discuss them. Sephiroth is a friend, it wouldn't be right to simply ignore her-- pain at being separated from those she loves.

She notes the glance at the sword and for a moment, she misses Sephiroth's smaller self intensely.]

That's-- understandable. I know that's true of most people who serve in the military together. It must be much more centrally true for you-- your emotional bond with your men is very strong. I know you miss them terribly. You might not realize it, but you talk about them an awful lot. Which, you would. The nature of your bond-- I know it's very strong. It must fulfill that emotional component for you.

Even though I'll miss you when you do go, I hope it's very soon-- sooner than I, even. I don't want for you to feel so-- apart.

[There are some things she will never tell Sephiroth. It's best.]

Everyone talks about people from their home worlds. For the most part, I have but two people I care to talk about.

I do miss them. I was never in a position where I could miss people before. There was no one who mattered to me. [As a child, here, she had been very willing to talk to people and form bonds. She had considered her separation an aspect of her nature, but her upbringing must have played a role as well. She was raised to kill, not to socialize.

She feels a pang of bitterness, but her mind shies away from it. It is like a sore she wants to pick at, but she knows one should not pick at sores, so she will not. Faremis approaches her, legs clacking on the floor, and comes to a halt at her feet. She leans down to touch it again. She does not understand why the robot likes to be touched, but it seems to enjoy it.] What you say is true. I have never been sexually intimate with someone who was not a member of SOLDIER. Perhaps that is because of our bond, but my social interaction is limited outside of SOLDIER. I would not want to become involved with someone who admires me for my role in Shinra's publicity.

[She considers Reeve's words about returning home, nods.] In many ways, this place is anathema to me. I am a warrior in a place with no war, a SOLDIER in a place without order, without honor. I lack purpose here. But I would not care to leave you. You are my responsibility. I hope that we will leave together, though we must return to our separate worlds.

[Reeve flushes, surprised into being touched by Sephiroth's words-- and not only those regarding herself, though those were very nice to hear.]

I-- admit, I'd like you to stay. It's only that I know you're unhappy here, probably moreso than most-- I hate to see you suffer. Without-- the things you need to feel whole.

[She hears the kettle just beginning its complaint, but ignores it for the moment. They've never spoken in such depth about these things before. She isn't about to break it off now.]

There was never anyone at all? Before your comrades?

I am a SOLDIER. I am trained to withstand any conditions, for any length of time. [She does not quite admit to being unhappy, but there are many unhappy people here, who miss many things from their own worlds. She might express her disapproval, but she does not wish to complain.]

No, there was no one else. I lived among the researchers. Some of them were kind to me. [She doesn't mention Professor Hojo, and perhaps there is a pointedness to that.] I did admire Professor Gast, but he left the project when I was very young.

[The kettle's voice sharpens, summoning her.] I'll return shortly. [She leaves for the kitchen, and Faremis follows. She touches her fingers to the robot's surface again, then pours the water for the tea. She knows how Reeve takes hers.

All at once, it strikes her that she has never done anything like this before: lived with someone in an ordinary residence, made tea for them as a matter of course. It has become habitual, everyday. This odd air of peace and quiet. The pang of bitterness returns, stronger this time. The water is poured, the kettle back on the stove, but she doesn't move, except to touch a hand to her forehead.]

[Some of them were kind to me. Reeve wonders not for the first time if that would really be true, as she knows the words. She thinks again of Sephiroth's younger self-- her bright eyes, her questions, her smiles. Perhaps she misses the child because there was so much she wanted to do for her. Her feelings for Sephiroth at this age are quite different, but very bit as intense.

Thinking that she'd like some biscuits with her tea and not wanting to ask Sephiroth to get them, she rises and goes into the kitchen-- only to find Sephiroth standing over the stove, seemingly troubled or lost in thought. She approaches, reaching out to put a hand on the taller woman's arm.]

Are you all right? If you'd rather not discuss these things with me, it's all right-- I mean, I'll understand. I don't want to-- trouble you.

[Summoned away from her thoughts by the voice, Sephiroth turns. There is perhaps a certain cold sorrow in her eyes.] I said you may ask me whatever you wish.

[What she says next is a subject she usually avoids, suddenly brought to the surface by the stark disparity between something most people would see as normal and what is normal for her.] Sometimes I wonder what I am. I know who made me, and that makes me uneasy.

[Reeve doesn't remove her hand.]
Does it? Before my time here, I would have said that to me, to everyone I know, you're a hero of the people. Their protector.

But now-- I suppose I still see you as a SOLDIER, because that is what you are. But you're also an individual, a real person with your own thoughts and feelings-- and a friend. I'm honored to know you-- and not because of your power, but because of the person you are.

I know it might sound a little foolish to you, but I'm sure you can tell I'm completely in earnest. I wish I could tell you precisely what you want to know about yourself, but I can only tell you what I know about you-- what I feel.

[She nods, slowly. She is rarely shaken, and she does not like to be shaken.] That is what I want to be. I defend the people. I act with honor.

This place unsettles me. It is so different from what I am used to. I must remember that my time here will be temporary. [She takes a deep breath, regaining her composure.] I am honored to know you as well.

Thank you, Reeve. You wouldn't have access to any of the project files, of course. It's only-- [She isn't sure what it is that she wants to know. Her doubts are so nebulous.] I want to know everything about myself, that's all.

[Reeve smiles, there are two cups on the counter. So-- domestic. She's never lived with anyone like this before. Cait is different. He does make her tea, but he doesn't drink it with her-- and he doesn't make her heart beat a little faster when she stands close to him.

Her hand is still on Sephiroth's arm, unconsciously making a soothing motion.]

Of course you do-- who doesn't want to know themselves as fully as possible? It's only natural.

But no place, even this one, can change who you are-- which is an identity that comes from the things you do, how you behave, not how you were-- made. You're right, this time is temporary, much like all times, I suppose, only moreso-- but you're still Sephiroth. Your honor is intact, at least so far as I can tell-- and since I'm "the people" at the moment, I think my opinion counts for something.
[She's gently teasing, of course, but there is something nice about having one's own personal army around. It doesn't hurt when one is very-- fond of the army, either. She picks up both cups.]

Will you have tea with me, Sephiroth? I'd like that-- and we can talk. About whatever you like.

[Reeve's proximity and touch excite her animal desires slightly again, but she does not act on the urge. Part of her wonders what it would be like to have a weak partner who could not withstand her full strength.

It's not that she's never been sexually interested in someone not a member of SOLDIER--due to their intellect or some other quality. Lazard in particular does hold some appeal, but his position makes that problematic, and she has not acted on it.

She smiles faintly.] I would like to believe that. That my will is free. That in SOLDIER, I have my autonomy as well as my honor. I will continue to behave as if that is the case. [She nods.] I value your opinion.

As I have already made the tea, we should have it. Would you also like something to eat, or did you have enough at the party?

I think that's best really-- to behave as if one has free will, even when one isn't entirely sure. At least then, one's actions will always be-- authentic, for want of a better word.

As for my opinion, I'm-- well, I keep telling you I'm honored-- but I am.

[For a moment she entertains the idea of leaning in once more, this time in the space the so often share, to kiss Sephiroth again. The moment seems quite long from her point of view-- but in the end, she doesn't. Instead, she smiles and removes her hand from Sephiroth's arm, reaching up to twitch her ponytail back into place.]

Oh, yes-- I'd love some biscuits, actually. Join me?

[She considers. At last, she nods.] Perhaps there is some truth in that.

Why would I not value your opinion? [Reeve is a great scientist, after all.]

[Left to her own devices, Sephiroth will seldom eat sweets, but she is a little more used to them, now that she knows Genesis. He enjoys baking with the apples his home is so well-known for.] That would be acceptable. I will join you. [She knows where the biscuits are, so she takes them from the cupboard and arranges some few on a plate, as methodically as she does most things.]

[Reeve nods, perhaps a bit theatrically.]
Yes, why wouldn't you?

[Acceptable. Having turned and left the kitchen before Sephiroth, she smiles to herself in spite of herself. Biscuits it is.
When they are both finally seated and she does get a look at the biscuit plate, her smile isn't secret any longer, but it is fond.]

Well, this is nice-- and very symmetrical, too.

In all seriousness, I am glad you see the truth in what I've said.
I don't know if anyone has ever told you this, but you really make very good tea. Must be the timing. You're so exact.

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Scientists & Soldiers

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